Choices and Consequences
by Psycho Goddess
Summary: Well Logan has finally realized that things can't go on the way they are. problem is, Max has been feeling pretty hot if you know what I mean;) Actually, it's not what you think. M/L, like I could write anything else
1. Default Chapter

If you've made it past the crappy title and summary, you are a greater person then I. So I have had no reason to be optimistic about M&L lately, and have grown increasingly frustrated. So I decided it was time to write the inevitable…but you know me, I'm sure in the end there will be some nice genuine M/L chemistry. *Snorts* and I'm the queen of Sheba. Also, I am working on the next chapter of "My Heart Will Never Know" and "Can't Afford To Miss", it's just that my muse Naomi(wonderful and talented-not sure why she spends her time wasting it on me), won't let me focus on one project for long periods of time. And sadly, my uploaded stories are the inspired ones.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine have I mentioned it's not mine? Don't sue or I'll sue you back for emotional damages. :D  
  
The song is also not mine, it belongs to whoever owns the copyrights. Damn them to hell, sometimes I think they plot to write songs that make me cry and get stuck in my head. Oh well, it's "Could It Be Any Harder" by The Calling. If you haven't heard it, listen to it, it's very M&L. then again, for me everything is M/L…  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Max, I really have to talk to you. Can you come over? Please." Max somehow knew should would have felt better about what Logan was saying if she couldn't hear the early morning sounds of Asha moving around the kitchen in the background. She wasn't jealous yet, but she was getting there. If only the virus hadn't happened, if only it was some horrid nightmare she could rouse from and find herself in Logan's arms as the sunrise played shadows across his face. But "if only"s were pointless, all they did was bring some false hope. And she had had enough of that. The "cure", the blasted cure she had hung her dreams had only dashed them by a mutation.  
  
"Sure." She said with more conviction then she felt. The last time she had seen him, when he brought her home after the incident at Harbor Lights Hospital, she had grown apprehensive of what he would say. She knew he loved her, not by the three little words he said as he walked away from the car that morning, but from the way he was always there to support her. Lately she had felt like that support was gone. And for the first time in her life, she was walking without a safety net to catch her. Recently she had realized that Logan was reaching his end. Nobody could give endlessly, even a man like him. So her hands were shaking as she ran a brush through her hair.  
  
She couldn't lose him, but she had no idea what she could do. She could kill him with a brief moment of contact. She would have to sit there by his side as he slowly died, slipping into delirium near the end. She couldn't think about that, wouldn't think about it. They would weather this, stick it out till the end. She didn't want to think of any other possibilities, especially ones that involved Asha, who seemed to be hanging around more and more. Attack when the prey is vulnerable, a tactic she had been taught in Manticore. And Ms. Save the World was using it to her advantage very nicely.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Logan quietly moved around the penthouse, unconsciously straightening the mess. It had been a busy time for Eyes Only lately, and he hadn't even thought about talking to Max. She was never far from his thoughts though, there was always some painful reminder waiting to spring. He wasn't sure what he'd say to Max when she dropped by later, but he knew what he had to do, despite what his heart was crying for.  
  
"Hey," he heard a quiet voice say behind him. He turned, avoiding her gaze. He didn't need to see her face when he told her. He wasn't sure he could do it.  
  
"I've…I've been thinking."  
  
"Oh no, don't hurt yourself," she teased, but her voice let him know her response was automatic.  
  
"So… how is everything?" Stupid Cale, just brilliant. She was shot in the stomach, how do you think she is? He thought to himself.  
  
"Okay." And as an afterthought. "I've been missing you."  
  
"This time last year you wanted nothing to do with Eyes Only and now you miss it?" The words flowed out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider the consequences.  
  
"Well Joshua just can't make chicken the way you do." For a moment a sense of normalcy filled the air, the familiar sensation of security that had been in their relationship for so long that it was taken for granted. But it was gone so quickly that Logan found himself doubting it had been there at all.  
  
"I can't do this anymore," they said simultaneously, neither meeting the others' eyes. Well at least we both see it, Logan thought quietly, over the sound of his breaking heart. The pain was real, not some emotional angst, but a real, deep-in-the-chest, can't-breathe ache that threatened to destroy what little life he had in him.  
  
"Max, I've tried everything I know, and all I've gotten is pain. I can only stand so much, I wish it was more. I never thought we'd come to this. We can't go on the way things are right now. I'll always be here for you if you need me, but I can't act like this isn't killing me more swiftly then any virus. If you ever figure out what you want or need anything, you know where to find me." The words sounded foreign to him, like somebody else was saying them and all he was doing was providing a passage for them to be spoken from.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I never should have acted this way. I've been so focused on myself since I got out, I didn't even think about how you've felt. I guess I didn't want to." Max knew that she couldn't make it better and decided to leave before she hurt him more. It was the least she could do for him.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Logan slowly nursed a scotch. It was early afternoon and he was already drinking. The Cale Curse, he thought bitterly. For once he was exactly like his father, and his father before him. It seemed every generation of the Cales had no successful love life. He had thought he had gotten off easy, between the engagement thing with Daphne and the divorce with Valerie. After them he had survived, lost his faith a little, but he was always okay. Now he realized he carried a greater burden then most, the love was neither unrequited or dead, but living in the same city, going the same places, and he knew that he would catch of glimpse of her some days, turning the corner, walking out the door. Real or imagined, he knew he'd spot her. and the pain would rise up, threatening to destroy him again. Although he had grown used to it, he had put up with it while Max was in Manticore. One time he even caught up, scared the poor woman out of her wits.  
  
He hated what he had done, but he knew it was what was best for her. No use letting her life be spend pining for something that may never happen. He remembered a line his mother used to say, before the accident. "Love is like a butterfly. It will stay if it wants to, but if you try to hold it in captivity, it will die. If it's true, releasing it is the best thing you can do." At the time he wondered what she meant, but he knew now. It was cheesy, but true. The silence hat filled the penthouse seemed louder then any noise he had ever heard. He slowly moved towards the radio, and turned it on. He didn't know or care what was on, as long as it didn't leave him with the stillness. But as the final notes of a popular hiphop song were replaced by the haunting melody of a song that he recognized from his awkward teenage yearsn he wished he hadn't.  
  
  
  
  
  
You left me with  
  
Goodbye and open arms  
  
A cut so deep  
  
I don't deserve  
  
Well, you were always  
  
Invincible in my eyes  
  
The only thing  
  
Against us now is time  
  
Could it be any harder  
  
To say goodbye?  
  
And without you  
  
Could it be any harder  
  
To watch you go?  
  
To face what's true  
  
If I only had one more day  
  
Fade away  
  
Fade away  
  
Fade away  
  
(Ah-huh)  
  
I lie down and  
  
Blind myself with laughter  
  
A quick fix of hope  
  
Is what I'm needing  
  
And how I wish that  
  
I could turn back the hours  
  
But I know  
  
I just don't have the power  
  
Could it be any harder  
  
To say goodbye?  
  
Without you?  
  
Could it be any harder  
  
To watch you go?  
  
To face what's true?  
  
If I only had one more day  
  
Well, I'd jump at the chance  
  
We'd drink and we'd dance  
  
And I'd listen close  
  
To your every word  
  
As if it's your last  
  
I know it's your last  
  
'Cause today, oh  
  
You're gone  
  
Could it be any harder?  
  
Fade away  
  
Fade away  
  
Fade away  
  
(Ah-huh)  
  
Could it be any harder?  
  
Fade away  
  
Fade away  
  
Fade away  
  
(Ah-huh)  
  
Could it be any harder?  
  
To live my life without you?  
  
Could it be any harder?  
  
I'm all alone  
  
I'm all alone  
  
Like sand on my feet  
  
The smell of sweet perfume  
  
They stick to me forever, baby  
  
I wish you didn't go  
  
I wish you didn't go  
  
I wish you didn't go away  
  
To touch you again  
  
With life in your hands  
  
It couldn't be any harder  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
This story has a life of it's own, and the next chapter is almost done. Of course, as usual, you have to review to get it if you want it. I have the great advantage that I can finish a story to make me happy and just not post it f I don't get reviews. I swear the next chapter is actually better (hard job, right). It is a M/L fic, just because I can't write anything else. So please review, I hate to be a bitch, but I won't upload chapter 2 until I get *thinks* 15 reviews. Sadly, I don't expect to get that many, but it's so hard to click the little button, right. 


	2. A fevered response

Well, it took a little longer then I promised. *Blushes* Sorry about that, I had to go back and change some technical details. I still don't think they're accurate, so sue me. :P Then I tried to change what happens, because my mother thought I was talking about this guy she's convinced I like (whom I do not) and she was teasing me. apparently he had been sick over the week and she thought I was inquiring to his condition. Like I could care less.*rolls eyes* So it took me a while to find my muse after that one.  
  
Disclaimer: DO I LOOK LIKE I OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STORY??? Really, I swear these are all my ideas! *snorts* Anyway, I'm not making a profit, so don't sue! I don't own anything you'd like anyways!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Max quietly picked the lock to the penthouse. She had been watching it all day, waiting for him to go out. She hadn't been feeling great all day, it seemed that sometimes broken hearts weren't just about feeling bad.  
  
"Just drop in and leave the letter Max," she ordered herself. There was no use crying over it. He had made the right decision, and she hoped that he would be happier without her in time. She silently regarded the letter in question. It was almost seven pages long, the longest she had ever let herself be vulnerable. Max wasn't sure why she had written it, most likely because she knew he deserved an apology. By being her, she had made his life miserable, and he didn't warrant it. Logan was a good man.  
  
Max dropped it onto the table. She spotted the couch, the place she had laid down many nights when her seizures got really bad, and where she had spilt many tears. She felt extremely tired, and the urge to curl up overwhelmed her. Just for five minutes, she thought to herself. Her skin felt like it was on fire, but she was so cold, like the cold metal of the gurneys in Manticore. Max pulled a blanket over herself and closed her eyes. The darkness came swiftly and mercifully.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Logan opened the front door, trying to balance a bagful of groceries and his keys. Some days he almost missed the wheelchair, he had grown accustomed to its bulk. And there was always the chance the exoskeleton would fail him. Oh well, it wouldn't be the first time he had loved and depended on something that was less the reliable.  
  
He dropped the bag onto the island and made his way to the bedroom where he transferred himself into the wheelchair. It was on his way back to the kitchen that he noticed Max's still body on the couch. For a moment he was taken back to his high school's production of Romeo and Juliet. He noticed her flushed cheeks and shallow breathing.  
  
"Max," he hissed, hoping to wake her. Something here wasn't right. Max just wouldn't drop by the place just to crash on the couch, especially after everything. You mean, after you broke her heart, don't you? But he wasn't sure if he had really done that much damage. After all, it was his Max, never-let-your-guard-down-and-you-won't-get-hurt Max. Maybe she did love him, but he wasn't sure if she knew it. Manticore didn't exactly teach Emotions 101.  
  
He slid a glove from the nearby table onto his hand. A dizzying premonition of dread had begun to rise up. He hurriedly wheeled into the kitchen where he kept the thermometer. Not the most likely place for it to be, but it was a small connection to his childhood.  
  
He was back by her side and she opened her eyes briefly. But she didn't see him, the coffee brown of her eyes was glazed over, in pain or maybe fear. He maneuvered her head to open her mouth, gently inserting the device under her tongue. bleep it uttered, and Logan check the temperature. A HUNDRED AND SIX DEGREES! He thought to himself. Not even a Manticorian's high temperature should be that elevated. He had to call Sam.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Logan, calm down," Dr. Carr ordered. "Take a deep breath and start at the beginning."  
  
"Sam, I came home to find Max passed out on the couch. So I took her temperature and it's 106!" Logan couldn't keep the fear out of his voice. "It's not right, that's not healthy."  
  
You're telling me, thought Sam. He quietly leaned back in his chair. He didn't want to risk transporting Max, and a hospital was out of the question already. He quickly made a decision, going against everything he had been taught. "Get her into a tub of water, you need to control her core temperature until I get there. Don't make it too cold because of the shock effect, but I suggest you but in ice cubes once she's adjusted."  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Yes Logan?"  
  
"Is she going to be okay?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I'll get my stuff and head over right away. Listen to what I told you."  
  
~*~*~  
  
The water seemed to come slowly out of the tap. Logan was sure that he hadn't mistaken the concern in Sam's voice. He never knew his doctor to be worried about anything, especially a Manticore project. He had never mentioned it to Max, but both Syl and Krit, as well as Zack, had required his services.  
  
The tub had finally reached an appropriate amount. He turned the faucet off and went into the living room. Lifting Max was far from simple, as he forced himself to be careful not to touch her. He didn't care what happened to him, but he wasn't going to let himself screw her up.  
  
"Logan," she whispered in delusion.  
  
"Shhhh, baby, I'm right here. You're going to be fine, it's okay, just a little fever." He murmured reassurances to her, trying to calm her down. Not that she heard him.  
  
"I'm sorry Logan, I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't know what I was doing, I'm sorry. I'm sorry damnit! Why won't you forgive me?"  
  
"I do sweetie, it's my fault. I pushed too hard."  
  
"I'm sorry, I love you. I know it's too late, and I'm sorry," her words slipped out over her lips, finally resting in a hollow section of his heart.  
  
"It's never too late, I love you. Enough to forgive your worst decisions, okay? I know you and I know that you're scared. I'm scared too, but it's okay. We'll be okay because I have you and you have me. Just focus on feeling better." He wasn't sure she gathered what he was saying, but it was okay. Her head had dropped onto his clothed arm and gently lolled sideways. Even through the cotton he felt the heat coming off of her.  
  
She made a gentle splash when he lowered her into the bath. She jerked in shock but stayed unconscious to her surroundings. Now all he could do was keep her comfortable and wait for Sam.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Max heard voices. She didn't know whose they were, yet she was content to not know.  
  
"How is she?" asked one concerned voice.  
  
"It's hard to say Logan, the fever is high. I really can't say until- if- it breaks. The best I can do is tell you that if she makes it, there is no guarantee that she'll be the same. She's been in this condition for a while, and I don't see it breaking any time soon." Logan? Why did she know that name? And who were they talking about? Her?  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I hate to say it, but she may not make it. And if she does, it may have had an effect on her mind."  
  
"She'll make it."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Logan hadn't moved. He had stayed by her side all night, and the first signs of fatigue were beginning to show.  
  
"Logan, go take a rest." OC said quietly. "My boo would kick your ass if she found out what you're doing."  
  
"Yeah, well, your boo isn't in the position to kick anyone's ass right now." He lifted Max's body again, before it slumped beneath the water. He didn't want Max to drown. He carefully kept both her outfit and his gloves between them.  
  
"I'll take over, she seems to be getting better. Go get some sleep, you look like hell."  
  
"Has Sam come back?" he abruptly changed the subject. Sam had run out of there like a coyote in pursuit of prey.  
  
"Not yet. He's still trying to figure out what is making Max sick. He said he'd check back this morning and to phone him if Max's condition changes."  
  
Without saying another word Logan picked up the thermometer and prepared to take her temperature again. It had remained at 106 all night, and he wasn't getting less scared.  
  
Original Cindy eased it out of his grip. "Let me do it, it'll be safer. Now go catch 40 winks before I kick your butt for my boo."  
  
Logan regretfully passed the device over. "But I'm not leaving."  
  
"You're a stubborn man," OC laughed, "If I swung for the other team, I'd be claiming you for myself. Max is a lucky woman."  
  
"Not that she'll admit it. I just want her to be better. It hurts to see her like this, like she doesn't know what strength is."  
  
"You really do love her, don't you?"  
  
"What was your first clue? Yeah, I guess I do. I'm not sure why I was stupid enough to fall, I don't deserve her. She's special, she's better then me."  
  
"You've taught her a lot, about who she is. Before you, she was just Max, and sometimes I wonder if she really was. I mean, it was more like she wasn't really, she was playing a role. But then you came along and she became MAX. It was weird to see her changing before Original's eyes, and she didn't even realize it."  
  
It amused Logan to hear OC speak in first person, but he knew what she meant. Max was a person to him, not a barcode and not a killer. Yet he knew about her, and it didn't change his mind.  
  
"It's 103!" Original Cindy exclaimed happily.  
  
"Wanna help me move Max into the spare room? The fever's broke, so we should just get her to lay down."  
  
OC grinned a response. "Can you hold her? With a blanket?"  
  
"Yeah, sure." He shifted his position to carry her. "Go call Sam, the number's by the phone."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Max heard the voices again. She felt her body jolt as it came to rest in someone's lap, but was incapable of responding.  
  
"Told you you'd be okay. We got you out of the woods for now. So now you're just going to rest up Can't have a sick x5, now can we?" the voice was gentle, reassuring. Max wasn't sure who it was, but it made her feel safe.  
  
The bed was cushiony beneath her. The unidentified man touched her body through the thin sheet. "Go to sleep, I'll stay here to keep you comfortable." Max wasn't sure who the guy was, but it felt so right to feel his contact, even if it was brief. She'll try to remember who he was when she woke up. Until then, he'd be by her side. And it was a relief.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So Max doesn't remember Logan? I guess you'll have to review and find out what happens. :P and I have the 15 reviews policy, and I PROMISE to get it up when I get those reviews, changing (or attempting to change) didn't help at all. So I'll keep my promise. Unless they spring up overnight…That just won't work. 


End file.
